From the first year of our children, child rearing becomes more difficult and complicated. Now, as well as child care, education, discipline, rules and limits, such as the formation of the child's character, such as shaping other important points are taking place. At this point, your parenting style is very important. ELELE Child and Family Psychological Counseling Development and Training Center Psychologist and Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer parenting styles and their positive and negative effects.
With the development of the science of psychology, child development is one of the major interests of psychologists. Since the 1920s, parental attitudes and parenting styles have been at the forefront of psychologists' focus, particularly since they are closely related to the formation of the child's character.
Parenting styles are possible to group on 2 axes. Axis 1 is whether the parent is child-centered or parent-centered, sensitive or insensitive to the child's development, accepting or rejecting the child. The second axis is whether the parent is demanding or demanding, canonical or non-formal. Accordingly, psychologists basically talk about four types of parenting styles. These are defined as or authoritarian ”,“ tolerant-tolerant ”,“ balanced-democratic ”and“ indifferent ”parenting styles. ELELE Child and Family Psychological Counseling Development and Training Center Psychologist and Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer it describes the 4 parenting styles:
Parents in this group are parental-centered and normative, based on the above-mentioned axis. Compliance with the rules is more important than anything else. The limits are too thick, and parents think that if they don't set those limits, the child will be a bad boy. They set the bar very high, are perfectionists, constantly criticize the child, give orders, they want the orders to be applied without question. The aim is as if the child grows up as soon as possible and the parents are the way they want them to be. Children, of course, obey the rules in the face of this strict authority, behave in the way that the parents want, do not fail to respect, succeed in school, do not have too much behavior problems. These parents, of course, love their children, but they think this is the right thing to do in child education.
So where is the problem with this tazla? Parents who have this style often miss a warm love-based relationship with the child because they are too focused on the implementation of the rules. Children, instead of developing an internal discipline to grow and mature, think that they should behave in this way because they want an external factor, parents, and they cannot develop the ability to distinguish right from wrong internally. Because of their lack of respect for their individuality and choice, feelings of anger and revenge begin to accumulate over time, especially when they come to puberty.
Parents in this group can be considered almost the opposite of the above style. This parenting style is child-centered, parents are very sensitive and accepting towards the child. It is more important that the child is loved and feels valuable and even one and only. The biggest problem in using this style is that there are no rules, or rather, the consistent rules cannot be implemented. Parents do not want to make any rules, they fear that the rules will disrupt the relationship with the child and will no longer be loved by the child. However, since it is not possible to deal with the child as a result of irregularity, they try to make rules, but this process results in inconsistent application of the rules. Thus, the child begins to develop a wrong authority over the parent. As they grow, so do wishes. After a while, the parents start to feel like slaves of the child and anger begins naturally. The child loves his parents, of course, but he cannot respect a mother who cannot draw borders. The irregularity in the home becomes a problem for the child outside the home, because for these children they only have their own wishes, because they have not developed sensitivity and awareness to the feelings and desires of others, making friends with them becomes very difficult for these children, after a while they will be alone or submit to their desires - just like their parents - they try to choose friends.
Parents in this group were parents who rejected the child, were insensitive to child development, followed by parental-centered, unregulated and undesirable attitudes. In these families, the child is born by chance. Parents have their own wishes first, the child is always in the background. The child develops an attitude that says, “Oh no matter what happens to me rahat. Because of the fear of beating, he sometimes fulfills the wishes, sometimes he doesn't. These parents make no effort to improve their parenting skills. Children's self-esteem problems and predisposition to depression are mostly seen in this way.
Democratic and Balanced Parents:
Parents in this group exhibit child-centered, sensitive and accepting attitudes towards the child. But in addition to these positive attitudes, these parents have demands and rules, as opposed to permissive parenting. Mutual love and respect prevail in the parent-child relationship, respecting the individuality, personal development and choices of the child, but being consistent in setting rules and limits.
They do not confuse understanding and rule. They can distinguish between anger and clear attitude. They treat their children as friends, but they know that they should be parents, not friends.
In these families, parents and children are equal in terms of humanity and respectability, but not in terms of responsibility and decision-making. Decisions are taken in a respectful manner, respecting individuality, and the opinion of everyone in the house is listened to when making a decision. The rules must have explanations for the rights and feelings of children. Nevertheless, the decisions that the children can make are separate from the decisions the parents make. The 7-year-old does not have a say in making a big decision as to where to go on holiday, but he has the right to choose what to wear or do his homework in the morning or evening.
Everyone in the family has responsibilities. It is believed that freedoms and responsibilities must co-exist. Responsibilities are determined from the very beginning. The child begins to take responsibility from an early age. Responsibilities are given slowly by age: when the child is little, he collects his toys, collects his closet when he grows older, buys bread at the grocery store when he gets older, then he can finish his homework alone. It is also very difficult for a child, who is not expected to do anything when he is little, suddenly takes out the garbage at the age of 10.
There is little room for children to grow up and mature. But the feelings of the frustrated child cannot be ignored. Emotions are accepted, but the rule is not compromised. (Bil I can see you're angry right now, but you know you can only go late on Friday and Saturday nights, I can't compromise this rule, baby, let's go to bed now))
Democratic parents aim to develop internal discipline rather than external discipline. The child behaves correctly not only because his parents want him to, but because he wants to have an inner happiness in pleasing his parents. Already after a while they will be able to internally distinguish right from wrong.
In addition, these parents know what children can and cannot do, encourage their children, but never force them. They appreciate not only success, but the child's effort. In the face of mistakes, blame is accepted instead of humiliation. The child does not feel guilty for making mistakes and tries to avoid doing it again. These children have a high sense of curiosity, they enjoy doing so, for them life is fun.
Finally, while raising their children, they do not forget themselves. Raising children is of course an important task for them, but it is not the only job in life. They know how to take time for themselves. This is a very important point because everyone needs time to refresh themselves.