New mothers and fears of making mistakes

New mothers and fears of making mistakes

Yeditepe University Hospital Head of Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry & Family Therapist Dr. Emine Zinnur Kılıç stated that mothers do not experience the warmth of the mother-child relationship in the name of being successful. Usu The sense of motherhood is perhaps one of the most satisfying feelings of life. When the effort to become a anne successful mother du disrupts this feeling; both mothers and children lose. One should not forget that; the most successful, happiest or safest, healthiest adults are usually not the children of the most successful mothers. ”

Is motherhood born as taught, or is it a role learned?

The role of motherhood is a role that varies from culture to culture. How to play this role is usually shaped by factors such as the mother's relationship with her own mother and the role of the society in which she lives. But there is one thing that does not change in any society, which is the special bond between mother and baby. The relationship established with the mother since the day the baby was born is a special relationship. Babies come to the world with the equipment that will fascinate the mother as if they were caring for them. This is such a spell; every time the mother cries, she will feel compelled to satisfy her needs. It is through this special ability of the human offspring that the bonding relationship between mother and baby develops; provides protection, care, needs of the baby and survival. The mother's sensitivity to the needs of the baby is partly due to hormonal changes in the postpartum mother, but in part it is created by the baby's special ability. The person caring for the baby may not necessarily be a mother. Whoever she is, she will be influenced by the same spell when she regularly interacts with a baby. The mother or the person caring for the baby will be amazed by him and will be beaten to please him. Thus, the first steps regarding the role of motherhood are taken. The value that the mother gives to the baby; sensitivity to its requirements; glare when you look at your baby; it makes the baby feel valuable and safe, and thus, through the relationship with the mother, the baby forms the first information about himself and the world in which he lives.

Being a mother is a seemingly simple role; to care for the human offspring, to feed, to love, to keep warm, to protect… However, in practice, the mother's entire presence and thought covers. Mothers dream about their babies and make plans for their future. The more the mother knows, the more detail she starts to deal with. Is it going to give the mother's milk, the formula or the bed, or will it lie down? Questions about how to make the right mother occupy the mother's mind. Today, the role of motherhood has therefore become increasingly complex. Especially since the last century, when adults tend to arama seek the origins of their own behavior in their childhood in the past ”and as a false extension of this approach, anne blame their mothers for every problem that has happened to them, anne most mothers have put all the burden of their child's future on their shoulders. is beginning to feel.

Nowadays, mothers are raising children according to plans, programs and projects. Can you compare new mothers to old mothers?

Today, mothers are under intensive scientific bombardment. N What the child is feeding or not feeding can cause him or her to have heart disease or diabetes; which additional nutrients it takes determines whether or not it is obese in the future; if he doesn't take certain vitamins, he won't grow tall enough ”etc. As such, some of the raw scientific data that is not very accurate reaches mothers every day through the media. Nutritionally, this list has been added to the list of how to improve intelligence better. Mothers have to listen to certain music to their children since their pregnancy so that their children develop intelligence; to put their children in front of TV programs allegedly developing intelligence since they can sit; they try to make sure that they play with certain toys. The pressure of the consumer society on motherhood is increasing.… Within the framework of this approach, there is a very shallow bombardment of information about “how the mother should treat the child”.

Many conflicting messages are given to mothers at once. These messages hold the small details of daily life, such as ın should he look at himself or look outside while carrying his child?;; Il If you limit the child's behavior, you cannot be a free individual, you cannot defend your right ”. Under this bombing, some mothers are trying to teach a foreign language before they can speak their own language so that their children can learn a good foreign language; They start music education before toilet training. As the mother's level of education increases, the list of things to do for the child's future is gradually increasing. As a result of all these warnings, some mothers thought that “their children are only in their own control of what will happen in the future ve, and one day they are terribly afraid of being blamed by their children for having done something wrong or wrong…

Are children raised in today's fast, complex and crowded cities, and are their relationships with their mothers influenced by this lifestyle? Do you have any suggestions for a warmer relationship?

As a result of all these pressures, more and more mothers living in the city began to feel as if there was an external system that rated every moment of their relationship with their children. Working mothers are guilty of not spending enough time for their child; they spent the time devoted to the child by calculating, “Did the child play all the games he had to play to develop intelligence? hesap The “right child rearing control system” feels as if they are supervising and giving points at every moment about how well they are mothers and how successful, safe and healthy their children will be in the future. This perspective is focused on the future of the child to escape the present time; mother-child relationship, which is a very important aspect of the relationship causes the forgotten aspect of the relationship. The spontaneity and naturalness of the mother-child relationship deteriorates. The mothers were unable to enjoy their relationship with their children because of anxiety about making mistakes or missing. Motherhood has become a full-time job that requires thousands of details and practice on uygulam raising the right child;; the comfort of the relationship is impaired; relations are strained…

However, the most important aspect of the mother-child relationship is the feeling of trust in the relationship, compassion, sharing, being happy to be together and, despite everything, mutual acceptance. This feeling disappears when the mothers are nervous and the children start to worry about not being able to respond to their expectations. The sense of motherhood is perhaps one of the most satisfying feelings of life, and when the effort to become a “successful mother boz disrupts this feeling; both mothers and children lose. One should not forget that; The most successful, happiest or safest, healthiest adults are usually not the children of the most successful mothers!