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In the past, I blogged about loving being a stay-at-home mom, and I still do. Brutally lonely.
Like crushingly lonely. Lonely.
Maybe my growing sense of isolation has something to do with the changing of the seasons. There are fewer park play dates. Plus, now that my two older kids are back in school, I am spending more hours alone.
I thought I would love having my kids out of the house. But it gets quiet without them. Too quiet.
I find myself wishing they would come home to drive me crazy. So I'd have something to take my mind off the fact that my husband won't be home from work for another seven hours. In the meantime, I will not interface with another person over the age of six, for more than a few minutes.
Sure, I might say, "Hey, how's it going?" to a mom at preschool drop-off. My mailman might come to the door with a package. I may even run into someone I know at the grocery store.
But for the most part, the conversations I will have revolve around Barbies, milk, and the potty. And it is really, really hard not to feel totally, utterly alone.
Not that I am ever really physically alone. I haven't gone to the bathroom by myself in six years! But just because someone is clinging to my leg while I pee, does not mean I don't feel alone.
As hard as it is admit, I do.
As much as no one seems to want to talk about the crushing loneliness of being a stay-at-home mom, I do.
I try to schedule play dates, and I enjoy a mom's night out every so often. But there are not enough collective block stacking sessions, or wine-glugging get-togethers to fill every hour of every day.
Perhaps I am just in a funk. Come holiday time, maybe I will be too busy to ruminate on how as a mom, no one really asks about your day.
It is not like my daughter gets off the bus just dying to hear what I did while she was gone. My preschooler doesn't exactly beg me to recount my travels in Asia before she was born. I am pretty sure I will wait a long time for my 15 month old to ask to hear my thoughts on the current political landscape.
Recently, I read a story about speed dating for moms who are trying to form connections with other moms. Many may hear about this concept and scoff at it.
But I say, anything you can do as a stay-at-home mom to help you feel a little less alone, is good. Perhaps after reading this, you will feel less alone. At least I hope so.
Featured photo credit: Flickr
Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.