How can I maintain my friendships now that I have a baby?

How can I maintain my friendships now that I have a baby?

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Unfortunately, this isn't unusual. You're each focusing on different parts of your lives right now.

Most likely you're preoccupied with your new family — as would be expected — and you may not have the energy or time to hang out with old friends. Your friend may not be able to relate and may not be interested in hearing about how many diapers you changed today! She may wonder if you still have room for her in your life.

You'd like her to join you in your new world, but she'd like you back in hers — hence the push and pull. Inevitably you both feel misunderstood and perhaps a bit resentful of the other's inability to compromise.

The more you allow yourselves to drift apart, the more likely it is that the friendship will fizzle out. The key is to fight the inclination to pull away from each other and instead put energy back into the relationship.

First, sit down and assess whether you really want to save the friendship. Be honest with yourself, because to work this out you may need to compromise more than you're willing to right now. You may feel too tired or too resentful to do that.

If you want her to remain in your life, the best thing to do is to talk to her. This may require taking the first step and saying, "I miss you." Since the two of you were close before, she's probably feeling the same loss you are.

When you talk to her, be clear about what you miss, whether it's laughing together, talking on the phone, or going out to dinner. You'll be surprised by how quickly your negative feelings transform into a more gentle realization that you truly do miss and need your friend.

Next, decide on a plan of action. Figure out together what you can do to get back on track and make time for each other.

You may need to bring your baby along on outings with your friend, but you may also want to arrange childcare occasionally so you can really focus on her. Plan a movie night once a month, call each other every Tuesday, or bring your baby along for a girls' picnic in the park.

Remember that no matter what you do, your relationship is going to change. You're growing, and you need new and different things from those around you.

Most healthy, substantial friendships can endure the challenge of this major life transition — but it takes work. It also requires honesty, patience, compromise, flexibility, and, most important, an ongoing commitment to the relationship.

Watch the video: Handling female friendships u0026 drama. How to be a better friend. How I Do Things. Kopano Shimange (May 2022).

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