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Sexual intimacy needs to be a priority – something that you literally put on the to-do list. You and your partner need to schedule specific times to have sex and be intimate with each other. Make sure there aren't a lot of distractions during this time. The computer and TV should be turned off and cell phones put away.
I know of plenty of husbands who say, "I think my wife is sexy as hell," but their wives are saying, "I've been peed on, pooped on, and I haven't seen the gym in four months. I do not feel sexy." This is where there's a big disconnect.
Moms need to take action to regain their sexual self-esteem. Pick up some new lingerie, buy some new clothes, go for energetic walks. Ask yourself, what is it going to take for me to feel more sexy? A spa day? Getting a manicure? Going to the gym? This isn't something guys can take responsibility for. You need to.
Dads need to do their part as well. A lot of moms end up being the gatekeepers of the baby and manager of all the chores and tasks. If a woman has a ton of chores to do – like getting the laundry done, giving the baby a bath – she's distracted and exhausted.
I suggest men engage in a little "choreplay." It's the new foreplay. If Dad really pitches in and gets things done, it's a good way to free up evening time so you can be intimate together.
Remember that sex begets sex. Having sex raises your natural free testosterone level and will help you get back into the swing. Often new moms say they're too tired for sex, and when they have a free moment they just want some sleep. But after they've had sex they actually feel rejuvenated and wonder why they don't have it more often.
When women are breastfeeding, caressing, and connecting with their baby, it's very intense and emotional. In fact, a lot of new moms say they feel like they're having an affair with their baby. And then you hear men say, "Hey, what about me!"
It's important to realize that if you completely disconnect from your partner because all your physical and emotional attention is sent to your baby, in the end you'll have an unhappy family. So even though your baby is consuming so much of your time and energy – and is completely irresistible – don't forget about Dad.
I recommend couples engage in nonsexual physical intimacy all the time. Hold hands, cuddle, sit next to each other. And be sexual a minimum of once a week. When you're sexually intimate once a week, you're staying connected and committing to intimacy.